"I'm the working mother of a wonderful 4 year old son. Many people in my neighbourhood and friends have started taking their children for tutoring, specifically to learn to read, in anticipation of starting primary school in a couple of years. I am well aware that he may be too young for this. I'm an intelligent woman and I have done my research. The classes are very expensive and in addition they will eat into our precious weekend together. However, it is more complicated. I am part of a minority group and if I don't do this, I am scared my neighbours and friends and family will label me as a "lazy" mum, and that when my child gets to primary 1 and can't read already like the rest of his class who has been tutored, people will think badly of me. I don't feel confident enough to go against the tide. What should I do?"
Comments and feedback welcome. Gweipo will give her opinion tomorrow (hopefully, or when she has a spare moment)
Comments and feedback welcome. Gweipo will give her opinion tomorrow (hopefully, or when she has a spare moment)
3 comments:
From the way you phrased your dilemma it sounds like you don't want to send your son to the tutoring, but you need some encouragement to go against the tide.
Let me put it this way. Would you be willing to sign a document which states that you are giving away the power to educate your son the way you think is right to some other parents in the neighborhood? Of course, you wouldn't!
I currently live in Hong Kong and the competitiveness of the schooling system creates an unnecessary burden on parents and children. Why do children need to be able to read/write before primary school? Isn't that what they are supposed to learn in primary school?
The research I have read seems to suggest that whatever head start early tutoring produces in terms of reading (on average) disappears by the time the kids reach P2 or P3.
It is easy to give in to peer pressure, but I think you should try to go with your guts. If someone criticizes you, you should make a stand. This way you can also be a role model for your son and potentially teach him a valuable lesson (i.e. not doing some stupid just because of peer pressure)!
You never know, maybe some of the other parents feel the same way, but none of them has the guts to go against the tide. It would be great if you could be the first one and start a new trend!
We (myself and husband) make it a point to read to the children every night before bed. It doesn't take long, about 15-20 mins. 6 months ago, my 4 year old son couldn't really read. Now, he reads very well for his age and yesterday spelled "celebration, creativity and cooperation" correctly (even I was surprised).
My son also doesn't like to read much outside of bed time. It's just about making reading a regular habit in the household. Do what you feel is right for your family, not what everyone else does.
It's a tough decision and it depends on what type of school you want to send your son to.
I have been through both - sending the kids to classes at 4 and not sending. I didn't know what to do with my older one, so I sent her out at 4. But I never believed in the crazy schedule that some kids are subjected to. I only sent her to a math class for less than half a year and decided that it wasn't for either one of us. I suggested to teach her some reading skills, but she refused. So when she started Year 1 at an international school at 5 and half years old, she could only read some simple 3-letter words.
Now that she is in Year 2 and I did some catch-up work with her last year, she is doing all right. The teacher never complained about her academic level. The school is more interested in developing a child's love of going to school, interest in learning and reading, the right outlook in life and interaction with other kids. I am quite happy and she is as well. Her only complaint is that she never got the children in our building to play with her anymore because everybody is busy with homework and after school activities. She is the only one at 6 and half who still has time to go out and play everyday.
My younger one never went to an official kindergarten. He went to a 1/2-day Mandarin-only Montessori centre which doesn't teach any Chinese reading/writing. He has never been to a tuition class in ANYTHING except for a toddler sports class and he went to Year 1 directly. I taught him English and Chinese at home myself, since the schedule is more flexible and I can tailor a program according to his progress.
I'll admit, though, that the system here is crazy. After my experience with my older one, I decided that sometimes, there are things which you just can't force the child. Everybody is ready at different age. I never taught my son to write. When he just turned four and went for an ESF interview, they asked him to write his name - which he couldn't, of course. They deemed his fine motor skills as not ready. When he didn't answer the teacher in more than 2 words at a time, they decided that he couldn't communicate in English well enough (which wasn't the case. He is a VERY shy boy who warms up slowly.) The school agreed to defer him for one year.
My son is now in Year 1 at a different school. He suddenly picked up his Chinese writing very quickly. I just started teaching him officially 2 weeks ago and he is learning to write at the rate of 2 characters/day. Since our disastrous interview earlier this year, I started him on practicing his English alphabet writing in the middle of the year. When we asked him to practice writing the sight words from school, he actually asked to write a sentence! and he won't be 5 until the end of this month.
So many schools never see past the checklist at interviews. Children have different talents and such potential! given time to develop and encouragements, each will blossom in their own way. If you have a choice, look for a school that fits your child, and not a school that ask your child to fit in.
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