We had a bad night last night. It started just before bedtime as we were wrapping up the homework and my son burst into tears about the 4x table text he had for today. It went further and deeper than that. Why he couldn't remember things, why he learnt things and then they didn't stick, why he can't spell, why he's struggling and if he's at grade 3 standard at all. It makes my heart bleed to hear him say these things. How one can be so smart with so much self insight, with so much awareness and still not be able to jump the hoops required of you at what every hoop point you may be. Then he started gesticulating everywhere "look, it's all math, the whole world is math, the computer, the keyboard, nature, everything and I'm so bad at such an important thing" Had to go back to reminding him how he could do really hard stuff like graphs and geometry that other kids struggled with - not that it mattered right at that moment.
I tried using a path analogy. The 4x tables were in his brain - we'd studied them thoroughly, and then the test got put off a few times and then we weren't doing them daily and now crunch time. The problem was that his mind was in a tropical climate and the vegetation had been growing over the path, so we had to go in there and walk the path a few hundred more times to flatten it and make it faster to traverse. Other kids paths were less inclined to grow over, but that wasn't necessarily better, just made it easier and of course they had less lush vegetation to see along the way. Once he was calmer, we set to work. Actually there were just 4 items that he was consistently struggling with. But he was struggling enough that it got him into panic mode every time.
Finally I got him to bed. We had guests who were leaving today, so it was a bit awkward, but they understood. When I got up to bed he was lying in my bed. Not a good sign. Put him back to bed and he was up again around 4-5 worried and thrashing around. Nearer to 6 he got up, got dressed and insisted I did some more drills with him. Still the same problems and this time he was mixing them up even more. Really anxious and worried. I tried to explain that he had to keep calm or he'd forget stuff, had to have breakfast and something to drink in order to function.
Some schools have done away with times table and other "facts" based rote learning completely. At moments like this I'd not mind being in such a school. But I do think there is a point. He's going to come out of this stronger. It does help to be quick with maths facts when you're doing other problems. He needs to conquer fear and anxiety and find ways to calm himself and focus. It's better that its hard now and he learns these techniques now. I won't be able to coach and encourage him always, I have this window while he's receptive. But its hard. Hard, hard hard.
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5 comments:
Gweipo -- I was coming to you in hope that the sleepless nights would end soon! Just kidding.
I'm sorry about your son.
I don't think the problem is that he won't learn his times tables. You're right. Basic information like that is important, and he will learn it in time.
It sounds like the problem is that he doesn't know how to handle stress well.
Someone so young should not be waking at night from school stress.
Do you think this is the fault of the Asian education system?
have you tried toe by toe maths books, my friend really rates them for her son who i think is dyslexic and finds maths hard too. she also mentioned her son was finding reallly difficult to conquer one of the times tables, until after he came back from a run with his dad when they had recited them the whole way he finally got it and it seemed to do the trick!
Yet another experience I share with you. My Year 3 daughter had a meltdown on Monday afternoon with her 5x tables. They started to learn them that morning and were asked to start revising them as part of that week's homework. After a half hour at best, there were tears and wailings of despair that she "couldn't do them and I'll never learn".
She's carried on far more than her two older siblings. I do think that children today do expect to conquer most things quickly. I think introducing computers into the classroom has played a big role in this. Show me one child where Mathletics etc has made a difference.
Anyway... this is last time I'll have to go through this. I always say toilet training, learning to read and times tables are the most difficult things we teach our kids - but so life changing when they finally learn. But oh so many tears of frustration first - theirs and ours!
i have come to the conclusion that some kids have a natural flair for numbers, and some kids do not.
what maths can draw out in the latter types are strengths as you can find in endurance, patience, self-control, perspective, resilience. they are positive things to learn, and probably much more important than the sum of 5x6.
i'm also struck by how the temper tantrums - regarding failure to comprehend something that everyone else seems to understand - is the same, regardless of whether the child is in school or not. as you describe your experience, that is mine too; hearing and seeing a child's reaction, incomprehension, confusion, explosion, with areas such as maths. (and i've never even tried to 'teach' the xtables!)
maybe a child who learns to deal with moments where they are aware they don't understand something fundamentally, where they feel unseated, wrong-footed by how the world works, is in itself their growing up, maturing moment. it can be a very positive time.
so i think you are bang on right; with your understanding and support he will be stronger from the experience.
Thanks for the encouragement all. Yes, at the end of the day I think what we're really trying to manage (and not just the kids!!!) is our reactions to things and self management when faced with challenges or when things don't go as planned or imagined.
At the end of the day no learning really can take place if that self management is not in place and it sure gets in the way of absorbing stuff if you're having a meltdown at the same time.
The sad and sorry thing is that as a parent you need to be a constant role model which means dealing better with your own frustrations and upsets! Got a long way to go I realized this week.
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