I like...

We've just completed our first full day in Istanbul, and conclusion is I like. Kids also seem to be pretty contented despite my sons initial reaction that it wasn't Cambodia, but it would have to do.

We escaped the Netherlands just on time as the weather had turned for the worse, and all our knowledge and memories of just why we didn't live there and hadn't been there on vacation for 10 years until last summer were reignited.

We're staying in a little family hotel sandwiched conveniently between the blue mosque and Hagia Sophia and even have the luxury of free wifi in the hotel room. Take that Le Meridien at so called Cyberport.

The day got to a late and lazy start, oh what joy it is when your kids finally realize and start participating in the joys of sleeping late. We wandered around (isn't it uncomfortable and hot under those black robes says daughter in response to the less liberal ladies on the street). We take in centuries of history, beauty, destruction. But mainly we meander and pause. There is something to be said about our current stateless homeless existence. Added to that last frantic amount of stress at the end. In me at least it means that nothing really matters that much. We spent a while in the grand bazaar this afternoon, but to be honest as lovely as some of the things were I had absolutely no desire to buy anything, so instead we chatted to some of the shop keepers, and then. made our way to what I enjoyed far more, the spice bazaar. there we were plied with food of all kind, and teas and spices. My daughter was on a pomegranate quest, but they're out of season so we had to make do with oodles of fresh cherries and grapes ( with seeds, doesn't that somehow make them more real?).

We spent ages talking to one guy at a stall who had lived in Osaka for 12 years and was married to a Japanese lady, comparing what it's like to have cross cultural kids. he pointed out some nice local eateries in turn. like in China, the kids attract a lot of attention. They're getting better at managing this and interacting appropriately, and recognizing the difference between pushiness and friendliness. Traveling with them always means far more conversations and interaction than we had when we were traveling alone, somehow they seem to lower people's barriers and inhibitions to start a conversation. We definitely cover less touristic ground, but somehow it's more pleasurable.

And then of course the intra-familial conversations. I only have my iPad with me, so no photo sharing now, but you can only imagine the chat the 4 of us had after discovering that the reason for the lavish male 'bridal' get up in many of the shops was for the circumcision celebration. That was good for at least 45 minutes of barrage of questions from both of them until they were quite satisfied that neither of them had or would undergo circumcision and the how's and why's and wherefore of the matter!

get help

I blogged a little while back about the difficulty I and many women I know have in asking for help. It seemed to strike a chord with quite a few readers. Then in the run up to me packing up and leaving HK I have received some lovely emails from many of my readers. Thank you. I have been very touched. But also saddened. One email in particular struck a chord and told me that I was not misguided in continuing to blog and tell the story of our family, in particular the specific educational challenges we've all faced (including me and my studies).

A mother wrote to me telling me of the struggles her daughter was having. Her anguish and difficulties in understanding what the matter was and her feelings of affinity for our story. I responded to her by email, and at the end of my email I encouraged her to do what I would encourage everyone in a similar situation to do: GET HELP.

Easier said than done. What stands in our way? I can mention a few things that were in my way. Pride, guilt, fear, loneliness, worry, powerlessness, not knowing who to trust, shame. None of those are particularly useful emotions.

A few months ago I had dinner with an acquaintance from my very distant past. She was the older sister of a boy I knew as our families were connected through business association. She was in town with her husband and found me through Facebook. I know many of you openly censure me for mentioning suicide in this blog, and some even cancelled their subscription to the blog after the entry and comments on "the race to nowhere". I specifically say she "was" the sister, as this boy shot himself when we were in high school. when I heard I distinctly remembering saying that I knew he would. which shocked people around me. had he told me? how did I know? why hadn't I said anything. no he didn't tell me. no I didn't know in the sense of it being an imminent or avoidable (on my part) threat or idea, just when it happened it absolutely made sense.

After a big dinner the rest of the party departed and she told me of her daughter who similarly had academic struggles. her daughter is 10 years older than mine, so she's been through all the questions and worries and school changes and testing. and she's come out the other side. How? By acceptance. By getting herself and her daughter the help they needed. By the terrible horrible and unforgettable personal experience of knowing what the worst is that can happen when parents fails child, try to force them to be who they aren't and blame and punish a child for something that is physically and mentally impossible for them to be, do, attain, not do.

At that point we were on waiting lists for help. we were in transit, getting bits and pieces of kindness and being the beneficiaries of at least one excellent teacher who didn't need needs and potentials and capabilities spelt out to her. I shared this with her. I also shared the episodes you all know to well of of a few years ago.

I was shaking with emotion after that. But the message was clear. Get Help. You know that poem about the road less travelled? It's not entirely true. There are 3 forks. And one of them, when you find yourself on, or see another venturing down, you need to gently but determinedly retrace your steps. Return to the beginning and pause and think. Ask other travelers. Warn other travelers. There is no problem with the road less travelled. But keep your children clear of the road that no one can travel and survive.