Wives of the "code"

One of my favorite children's "learning to read" websites is called "Children of the Code".  It's fascinating on all levels about how and why children do and don't learn to read, what to do about it, what the psychology and physiology and history is behind reading.

There are other codes of course, that are just as difficult to crack.  Even when you're an adult.   Like dress code.  I've been invited as the spouse to an event with my husband and the dress code is "smart elegant" for the ladies.  What a potential landmine. Elegant for me is Audrey Hepburn.  i.e. LBD.  But how little should little be when you're pushing the wrong side of the divide of the mid 40's?  Does elegant mean above the knee, on the knee or below the knee.  Does it mean killer heels or kitten heels.  Should any color besides black be involved?  Does it mean designer?  Should toes be open or closed? If open, nail polish or french manicure? Legs clad in pantyhose or bare?

It's a new country for me.  And it's a new company for both my husband and myself, this being the first communal event we'll be attending.  So I can't really stuff up without feeling awful about it.  And SG is difficult with dress.  Generally it's a flip flop and crumpled sleeveless dress kind of place.  I did try and have a good squizz at what the ladies who lunch in Paragon were wearing, but it wasn't really what one could call elegant.  More like business casual.  Maybe it's in my favor that Singaporeans generally don't cut an elegant figure.  Not like the Shanghainese for example.  Shanghai Tang had a fashion show at the Polo Club on Sunday which the kids spied on their way to watch the rugby.  My son came back reporting that the girls were "really young, really tall, and really really really skinny, I mean mom, so skinny that they're skinnier than me, even more skinny than this" - at which he pulled up his tshirt and sucked in his non-existent belly so that only ribs and a little hollow were left.  "why, mom, why are they so thin?"  I explained that it was fashion and fashion thought that was beautiful.  "no, it's not beautiful, or even pretty, it's just thin" he declared.

UBS made things perfectly clear to it's employees - no, he's not employed by UBS, otherwise I'd have my hands on this reputed guide - I wonder if it follows through to what to wear after hours while engaged "on company business".    I wandered around the shopping malls of Orchard Road this morning after my meditation.  It's pretty hard to discern where elegant starts and frump finishes and vice-versa.  And suddenly my contempt for plastic surgery and liposuction seemed a little premature.

I've never been overly image conscious, but then again neither have I ever had the self confidence to pull off dressing eccentrically or funky or different enough for it not to matter whether I've gotten the dress code right or not.

Any suggestions?